Monthly Archives: February 2013

Dear Man

Screenshot from 2013-02-26 11:30:41

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Questions for heterosexuals

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?

4. Is is possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of
the same sex?

5. Isn’t it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?

6. Heterosexuals have histories of failures in Gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of fear of rejection?

7. If you’ve never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you wouldn’t prefer that?

8. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?

9. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

10. Your heterosexuality doesn’t offend me as long as you don’t try to force it on me. Why do you people feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?

11. If you choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual,      knowing the problems they would face?

12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?

13. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of  your heterosexuality? Can’t you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

14. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a      compulsive, exclusive heterosexual object choice and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, natural, healthy, God-given homosexual potential?

15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to
narrowly restricted, stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such
unhealthy role-playing?

16. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

17. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

18. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual, considering the menace of overpopulation?

19. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you really want to.
Have you considered aversion therapy?

20. Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust others of their own sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual?

developed by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D

If happiness ever had a physical state, it’d be glass. We might not notice that its there, but it’s always there, we merely have to change the point of view. and that glass will sparkle whenever it reflects light, I doubt that anything else can argue it’s own existence more eloquently.
A gentle world is very close, even if we are clouded by phony memories, a transparent glass always exists, always!

zoloftlife.

Reactions from people are varied when they find out that I cut. From the, “Did it really get that bad? They’re not little cuts. Why do you cut? Why would you do that to yourself? Doesn’t it hurt? You’re just attention seeking.” All the way through to the begging, pleading you to stop. Getting angry at you for doing it again. And again. And again.

I’d put it down to several things. Curiosity. Fear. Love. Caring. Compassion. Lack of education, or experience, of mental illness. Ignorance.

Especially ignorance.

I’ve wanted to write about cutting for a long time now. The way my head analyses the cutting, anyway. I’ve never been sure how to start.

Well.

I guess I start here. Did it really get that bad? Uh, yeah. It is probably still that bad. Apart from the obvious that you have to be pretty screwed up…

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What Stories Tell Us

I was 7 years old; I was at my aunt’s place. My aunt and a few cousins of mine were talking about fasting and how they believe that their prayers will be answered if they fast. There was this kid in school who gave me a hard time; I really wanted her to fail class because she was always better than me. I announced that I’m gonna fast without talking for a day and pray to god that she fails her exams.  I have vague memories of my cousins laughing and telling me that it will rebound if I wanted evil things to happen.  At the end of the day I ended up crying because I had evil thoughts.
There are three reasons why I’m sharing this story. One, embarrassing stories are always fun to listen. Two, to point out how we perceive things as a kid.  
My aunts and my mother would fast every week without eating because they were bound by custom; if they didn’t fast they were not good wives. And yes there is this fact that they truly wished good for their families and believed that “god” will take care of their families if they kept fast. I talked to my mother recently about why she sticks to her culture, and why she thinks it is important to do so. What I got out of the conversation is that, many a times, we do things, even though we don’t want to do them because the society expects us to, we are scared to let go and break free from those people who keep talking  shit about us no matter what we do . It was really surprising for me that mom was aware of that fact that the people around her will keep treating her the same way no mater what, still she wanted to call them her loved ones. She has drawn a circle and made a set of rules by which she will live, till she dies. When I asked her what about all the things that you wanted to do in your life, she replied “lets hope I have the courage to pursue my dreams in my next life.” I didn’t know what to say.
Third, we always fall for what others say without understanding where it’s coming from. We ourselves draw a circle around us; build a cage, a cage so strong that it is becomes tough to break free.  
I only said it becomes tough to break free, I didn’t say that it’s impossible. It’s your life, only you get to decide what is right and wrong, it is also important to keep questioning your right and wrong.

Growing Up in India!

Ram was a 10 year old boy in a traditional middle class Indian family. He loved painting, reading, cycling and photography. One day he was looking at himself in the mirror while taking a bath. He noticed his penis, he didn’t exactly know what it was, he knew that he peed using it, but why did he always have to cover it up? Curious, he started examining it, his mom walked in, she was startled, she said “don’t touch it, you dirty boy!” He wanted to know why his own body part was considered dirty.
One day in class, he was wondering if even girls had similar body parts as his. He remembered once he had gone to the swimming pool, he had noticed that it was flat on the girl unlike his part. He was very curious to know, so, after class he had asked one of the girls in his class to show him. The girl went and complained to the teacher. He was punished by the teacher. The teacher did not tell him why it was wrong. He was yelled at by both his teachers and parents because he had been a bad boy!
As he grew up he was more and more excited and curious about his body parts. He felt guilty for thinking about it at the same time.  He didn’t know who to talk to about the changes he was going through.
One day at school, when he was 14, he was walking down the corridor and his penis suddenly went erect. Everyone started laughing at him. He felt humiliated. He was loosing focus in his studies, he kept thinking about how excited he gets at times. He didn’t know how to get rid of his sudden erections.
As he grew older, he found himself attracted to girls, he felt something different about them, not the same thing that he felt for this friends who were boys. He found himself staring at women’s breasts; he also realized that women did not like it. He was able to make some connection between looking at women and his erection. One evening when he was alone, he accidentally touched his penis and he like touching it in a certain way. He kept experimenting with it, whenever he found time alone. One day he couldn’t resist masturbating in class, when one of his male teachers caught him and punished him severely.  By now he had been failing almost all his classes. He was feeling guilt, humiliation, fear of being ridiculed but still curious. He had no explanation for this white substance which was coming out of his body. He didn’t know if he was sick or was it connected to pleasure? Now after being punished for masturbating, he knew he can’t do that, it was wrong!
He managed to get in college, he was still unfocused. He was introduced to pornography by his classmates. He knew it was wrong to watch porn, sill he continued watching it. His friends would share stories of how one of their popular seniors had “banged” so many girls. The more they banged, the more popular they were. He wondered if girls are meant to be banged.

Once, He had to do a project with a girl from his class. The night before submission, they were working together in her room. They were alone. He was really tempted to have sex with her. He didn’t know how to ask her, but he remembered this movie seen when the hero suddenly kissed the girl she really liked it. He tried, he girl started screaming and pushing him away. He was reminded of the porn he used to watch, that’s how it worked! The women screamed, but they liked it.  He took her clothes off, tearing them apart as she was screaming for help! He shut her mouth trying not to attract the neighbors. He raped her. The girl fell unconscious, he left, and he didn’t know what to do. He knew he had done something wrong, but that’s what the movies had thought him. He couldn’t tell if she had liked it or not, but he knew for sure he didn’t find it pleasant.
The next morning he was arrested for sexual assault, his mother had a heart attack listening to his news. His father had disowned him. After he was released his college’s board of directors refused to admit a criminal in the college! Still no one bothered to explain to him why had all these things happened!

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This story was compiled with real life incidents of my friends. Most of the time kids, both boys and girls, get stuck in such phases that ram went through, and they grow up to be a criminal, or someone who is completely repressed of sex or a victim of abuse. I feel that’s why we should have a culture of talking about sex.  Sex is just another part of life. It’s like how we associate ourselves with the flavors and taste in food.  If it is a requirement to satisfy ourselves with food, it is also a requirement to satisfy ourselves with sex. We live in a place where we have a lot of sex but don’t talk about it. A kid is not suppose to think about sex till they are married, but they are expected to know everything as soon as they married.  Funny people I say! If a child is guided properly through the changes he/she is going through, I’m sure they will grow up to be fine beings.  It is very important to talk to a growing kid about sex, and masturbation must be encouraged to avoid obsession towards it.  Sex should not be tabooed!  Talk about it! Treat in like it is a part and parcel of your life, because it is.

 

I BREAK my silence

With a heavy heart and tears in my eyes i write,
only with the hope that someday it will end,
someday my nightmares will stop,
someday women don’t have to be scared anymore,

of their own husbands, fathers and uncles,
of those bastards in the road,
of those sick old pimps who would do anything for money.

I wish for that someday to come,
when women can feel safe being a part of this world,
when women procure virtue,
when men don’t treat women like an asset.

Dear man, I know that you are more emotional then i am,
its all right you can let it out,
cry! tears are meant for everyone.
you and I are the same, yet different,
capable of different things at different levels,
there is no comparison,
come, together we can make this world more beautiful.

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Come join my hand when i break my silence, by telling the world my story, my dreadful memory! just break your silence, the whole world will hear you!

here is my story!

I was 11 years old , I used to visit my uncle’s place very often as a kid. i really enjoyed the company of my cousins, we spent a lot of time together as kids. so, one night as usual my uncle was drunk and he was tell us a story, me and my girl cousin. I thought he was trying to put us to sleep. we lied down in a row, my uncle was facing my back. he had his drunk face over my face. As he was narrating something, I felt some thing slimy in my back. I didn’t know what it was all i knew is that it didn’t feel good. I was feeling really uncomfortable. i didn’t know what to do or say, he kept push in that slimy thing of his into my butt. after what seemed like half an hour or so, I finally got up saying i wanna go to the restroom and went and slept in my aunty’s room.
I am 18 now. it was very recent that i realized that i was a victim of child sexual abuse. the memory is still fresh in my mind.i don’t know get rid of that memory.

Understanding Your Sexuality

Understanding your sexuality is a very beautiful process. It is often mistaken to be very confusing and frightening. But, being a part of a society with all those social cues, it could be a bit difficult. only if you let it be. As a kid we did what we wanted to do, we weren’t worried about anything, we didn’t care if someone was watching. As we grow up we become more aware and conscious of what the others will think or say. Especially, after puberty, we become sexually aware. We live in a world that keeps judging us every moment, not that we don’t judge.  But if we are constantly worried about what others might think, we can’t live, we can’t live a life which is led by our needs, our desires and our passion. Its high time that you let go of all those fears of what others might think and be yourself. To do that you will have to find yourself first.

  • Go back to all those things you use to love doing as a kid.

This exercise named tree of life has helped me a lot in tracing back my life, finding myself and finding what my passion is.

Our roots make us who we are, revisit your roots, your childhood.

  •  Give enough time to yourself, with yourself.

Solitude allows you to reboot your brain and unwind. It helps you discover yourself and find your own voice. It helps you solve   through problems more effectively. Most of all, it enhances the quality of your relationships with others. By spending time with yourself and gaining a better understanding of who you are and what you desire in life, you’re more likely to make better choices about who you want to be around. You also may come to appreciate your relationships more after you’ve spent some time alone.

  •   Question!

List out your wants and the needs behind those wants. Try to trace back your need, where is it coming from? Question your thoughts, your wants, your needs and your desires, do you want to do something because you need it from within or is it influenced by other’s thoughts? How much is your religion, society, schools, and media influencing your thoughts, your understanding, your perceptions? the key is to just question yourself, don’t be worried if  you realize that your needs are not yours, most our needs aren’t our own, its alright! You can always start fresh, you can start operating according to your needs.  Are those needs being fulfilled?? when your done questioning yourself, try and break those layers. those layers of guilt, shame, and judgments. This would help you to see the person in front of you without any of those layers, you will be able to see them for who they are.

  •  accept your self!

Initially its common to have low self esteem. You don’t have to reveal who you are to the world right away, take your time in doing that, but at least accept yourself for who you are. Some things can be done to build your self esteem,

spend time with yourself naked, it makes you comfortable with your body. Stop watching all those stupid commercials and stop reading all those magazines that keeps telling you that you are not good enough. Stop making judgements, accept others for who they are. Stay fit and eat healthy. And most important of all, Stay away from those people who make you feel bad about your self. True friends are those who accept you for who you are. [resource: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEKBR9Q39a0%5D

You are who you are, and there is nothing wrong with it. In fact you are awesome just the way you are, you don’t have to change it for anyone else. Image

Once you have found yourself and accepted yourself, it should be easy to find people who you like. You don’t need no guide for that 😉 . Even in finding what kind of people you like you don’t have to decide immediately! Take your time, in fact you don’t have to decide. You can always keep your options open.

so what does all this have to do with understanding your sexuality?? I don’t think I have an answer, I guess you just have to wait!