first of all what do i mean by penetrative sex?
Yes! I mean the regular act of “sex” just for the sake of doing it. The type of sex where the man is trying to get his semen out! And most of us do that not just because we don’t know what else can be done, but we are conditioned that anything besides that is dirty, Nudity is dirty. We are ashamed of our own bodies. We don’t love ourselves enough. We are ashamed to look at ourselves naked, why think about being naked in front of our partners. Being uncomfortable with our bodies is one reason why we don’t express our needs, but there is also this fact that we live in a patriarchal society. In a married couple, the man gets do have sex when ever he wants to, the women cannot express her needs, she doesn’t have a say, and they are done when the man is satisfied. These days in the urban households, women get their stress due to repression out by this excessive shopping. And is the man completely content with his sex life? Not repressed? No! Because even he doesn’t express his feelings. The kids these days have this huge misconception of what making love is, Or should I say what love is.
Only when a person has explored his/her sexuality they can start doing something with others. And by sexuality i mean understanding oneself, exploring their body and mind, and loving themselves. When they are done exploring their own sexuality, start loving themselves, they can actually fall in love with someone, voice their feelings with no shame in reveling the real them and then enjoy sex.
Honestly, no one is really sure if pleasure is completely physical or completely emotional, both are possible, but what i can tell you for sure is that if there is a mixture of both you will feel great. All through history the major brand leaders have always tried to repress our feelings. Every television program, movie, porn and the lifestyle products (perfumes,cosmetics,clothes) set a stereotype of what beauty is and what pleasure is. This is completely flawed. There is no such thing as the perfect skin, hair or color. The definition of beauty varies from person to person, it need not be the physical appearance at all. So because someone has set stereotypes for us we forget what really matters to us. We always keep expecting things from our partners, we are not able to accept them for who they are. Why let the stereotypes rule us, why let them decide for us what we want and what is good for us. Lets get rid of all the assumptions of how people should be, and find what you really want from the other person, communicate it and enjoy your sex life!
So when you are in the process of understanding your own sexuality, be completely honest with yourself, accept yourself. Give enough time to yourself. There is nothing wrong in spending time naked when you are alone, in fact its good, it would help you to be comfortable with yourself and increases your self esteem. There is nothing wrong in masturbating, when you are trying to figure out what you like and what gives you pleasure. Dress the way you want, its absolutely alright if you want to cross-dress. Its okay if you are attracted to your own gender, it is not unnatural. Be true to yourself and your feelings. Be kind with yourself, trust me, it will help you to be kind with the rest of the world even if they are not ready to accept you!