Growing Up in India!

Ram was a 10 year old boy in a traditional middle class Indian family. He loved painting, reading, cycling and photography. One day he was looking at himself in the mirror while taking a bath. He noticed his penis, he didn’t exactly know what it was, he knew that he peed using it, but why did he always have to cover it up? Curious, he started examining it, his mom walked in, she was startled, she said “don’t touch it, you dirty boy!” He wanted to know why his own body part was considered dirty.
One day in class, he was wondering if even girls had similar body parts as his. He remembered once he had gone to the swimming pool, he had noticed that it was flat on the girl unlike his part. He was very curious to know, so, after class he had asked one of the girls in his class to show him. The girl went and complained to the teacher. He was punished by the teacher. The teacher did not tell him why it was wrong. He was yelled at by both his teachers and parents because he had been a bad boy!
As he grew up he was more and more excited and curious about his body parts. He felt guilty for thinking about it at the same time.  He didn’t know who to talk to about the changes he was going through.
One day at school, when he was 14, he was walking down the corridor and his penis suddenly went erect. Everyone started laughing at him. He felt humiliated. He was loosing focus in his studies, he kept thinking about how excited he gets at times. He didn’t know how to get rid of his sudden erections.
As he grew older, he found himself attracted to girls, he felt something different about them, not the same thing that he felt for this friends who were boys. He found himself staring at women’s breasts; he also realized that women did not like it. He was able to make some connection between looking at women and his erection. One evening when he was alone, he accidentally touched his penis and he like touching it in a certain way. He kept experimenting with it, whenever he found time alone. One day he couldn’t resist masturbating in class, when one of his male teachers caught him and punished him severely.  By now he had been failing almost all his classes. He was feeling guilt, humiliation, fear of being ridiculed but still curious. He had no explanation for this white substance which was coming out of his body. He didn’t know if he was sick or was it connected to pleasure? Now after being punished for masturbating, he knew he can’t do that, it was wrong!
He managed to get in college, he was still unfocused. He was introduced to pornography by his classmates. He knew it was wrong to watch porn, sill he continued watching it. His friends would share stories of how one of their popular seniors had “banged” so many girls. The more they banged, the more popular they were. He wondered if girls are meant to be banged.

Once, He had to do a project with a girl from his class. The night before submission, they were working together in her room. They were alone. He was really tempted to have sex with her. He didn’t know how to ask her, but he remembered this movie seen when the hero suddenly kissed the girl she really liked it. He tried, he girl started screaming and pushing him away. He was reminded of the porn he used to watch, that’s how it worked! The women screamed, but they liked it.  He took her clothes off, tearing them apart as she was screaming for help! He shut her mouth trying not to attract the neighbors. He raped her. The girl fell unconscious, he left, and he didn’t know what to do. He knew he had done something wrong, but that’s what the movies had thought him. He couldn’t tell if she had liked it or not, but he knew for sure he didn’t find it pleasant.
The next morning he was arrested for sexual assault, his mother had a heart attack listening to his news. His father had disowned him. After he was released his college’s board of directors refused to admit a criminal in the college! Still no one bothered to explain to him why had all these things happened!

This story was compiled with real life incidents of my friends. Most of the time kids, both boys and girls, get stuck in such phases that ram went through, and they grow up to be a criminal, or someone who is completely repressed of sex or a victim of abuse. I feel that’s why we should have a culture of talking about sex.  Sex is just another part of life. It’s like how we associate ourselves with the flavors and taste in food.  If it is a requirement to satisfy ourselves with food, it is also a requirement to satisfy ourselves with sex. We live in a place where we have a lot of sex but don’t talk about it. A kid is not suppose to think about sex till they are married, but they are expected to know everything as soon as they married.  Funny people I say! If a child is guided properly through the changes he/she is going through, I’m sure they will grow up to be fine beings.  It is very important to talk to a growing kid about sex, and masturbation must be encouraged to avoid obsession towards it.  Sex should not be tabooed!  Talk about it! Treat in like it is a part and parcel of your life, because it is.



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