Many a times we have this thought of doing something which is usually considered bad or evil, a thought we keep pushing away from our head, we might as well go ahead and act on it and regret it later. To our surprise, there might be a very naïve need behind it, which can be addressed in different ways, ways which may not harm anyone or ourselves.
Suppose I have this destructive thought of breaking my laptop now, the need behind it could be something as simple as for it to work properly. I have to be patient, try to look for the problem and solve it.
likewise, I was really angry with abusers (sexual abusers), I had put them in one group of “evil” people. Recently, in my workshop we were talking about the things that are usually not talked about in the society around sex and sexuality, things like how one has been abused or how one was always told that thinking about sex is wrong, we were only focusing on the victims. Suddenly, one of the participants talked about how they have this rapist instinct in them, then it hit me! Even she/he does not want to do such a thing, but somewhere, there is this deep-rooted need to be loved behind it and of course it can be addressed in another way. Sometimes you don’t even have to adders the need you just have to acknowledge the need and stay with the need, give yourself and the need some love!
That’s how I came up with “love letters to your deepest darkest self” you simply write a love letter to that side of yours which you’ve been pushing away, you acknowledge it with love and try to understand it. I don’t know where that dark side of your disappears but it magically does, only by writing a couple of letters like this and talking to a trusted friend. You can also come up with creative ways of addressing your needs with your friend, family, counsellor or your community.
One of the participants had written to me later,
Talking about sex is very scary to me. Like one of the guy in session told. We get into abuse because of excitement we get and so frequently with it is to be suppressed
Suppressing that has created an anger, urge to get it more, make you desperate too. Talking about this in the open space could let me come out of the suppression and abuse and I’m a guy though.
Forget about discussing it with others, we can even discus with ourselves; spirituality has been a medium of suppressing it rather than coming out of it for me
Thank you for creating such a space. I’d like to cheer you for your courage.
Love and respect,